It has been eight years since my husband left without a word. After the first two years, the time has passed with relative speed. I have lived in this home longer than I have lived in any home. I have also been here longer on my own than I had been as part of a married couple. I still receive questioning looks and unsolicited comments regarding my choice to stay. It must certainly look to outsiders like I am going nowhere. Yet, I am moving on!
My spouse was a “runaway husband”. Fortunately, I was not forced to run away. I was confused and immobilized by the unexpected loss. However, I was filled with gratitude that I was able to take my time to embrace my situation. I could focus on myself and my needs. I could do the work which allowed me to heal. I adjusted my mindset and rethought my situation. I expanded my horizons to meet new and interesting people. I could alter my timetables and allow myself to feel whole and settled.
I am content and filled with an inner peace and joy that I had lost when he left. It was not an easy journey, but I have rediscovered myself. I am again certain of what I need and want most in life. I am completely independent.
I know that my daughters are the most precious gift I have. The love I feel for them is far stronger and far more valuable than any other love I have known. I want to nurture and treasure that relationship at every opportunity.
I understand that friendship is a gift that we give ourselves. Sincere and lasting friendships are made by being sincere and lasting friends. I want to continue to be that friend. I hope to spend as much time as possible with friends I hold dear. I want to cherish the gift that they are in my life.
I clearly realize that nature – especially the beach – plays an important role in my well being. I need to reside in a place that affords me ample opportunity to experience and enjoy the outdoors. I have appreciated the limitless occasions my current dwelling has allowed. I will carefully consider any thought of change.
Since the COVID-19 pandemic, I recognize the need to remain strong and healthy – both physically and emotionally more than ever before. Life holds challenges for all of us. There is joy. There is pain. Always, there is hope – and an opportunity for growth. I am proud of my strength and want to remain fearless in the face of whatever lies ahead.
I have always had a niggling feeling that I would not stay where I currently am forever. I have been fortunate that I could take my time going nowhere. Now is not an ideal situation, but it may soon be time for moving on. If so, I am ready for whatever lies ahead and wherever the future may take me. This time, I will pack more carefully. I know just what I will take along and what I will leave behind. And I will know when it is time to begin another journey-and that journey will be mine alone.
